Jokes

(For General Discussion)

Moderators: Jason, Toothy, Tonyblack

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:50 pm

The Mad Collector wrote:A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."


Brilliant, love it :lol: :lol: :lol:
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Cheery » Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:40 pm

Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because it's too far to walk.
User avatar
Cheery
Member
 
Posts: 1544
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:19 pm
Location: Switzerland

Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:20 pm

Image
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
User avatar
Ghost
Member
 
Posts: 4042
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:34 pm
Location: Blackcountry

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:30 pm

And the trains charge the Earth :lol: :lol: :lol:
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:34 pm

Image
Image
Image
:whistle: :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
User avatar
Who's Wee Dug
Member
 
Posts: 15089
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Stirlingshire, Scotland

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 9:45 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent go to the Top of the Class :lol: :lol: :lol:

I called easy Jet up yesterday to book a Flight and the Operator asked me " How many People are flying with you?

I replied:" I don't know! It's your bloody Plane!" :D
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:53 am

I called them up and asked how long the flight to Amsterdam was. The woman said "just a minute". I replied: "Wow! that's incredibly fast!".
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
User avatar
Tonyblack
Moderator
 
Posts: 29190
Joined: Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:29 pm
Location: Cardiff, Wales

Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:58 am

A guy tried to sell me a coffin today I said "That's the last thing I need"
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
User avatar
Ghost
Member
 
Posts: 4042
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:34 pm
Location: Blackcountry

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:22 am

:lol: :lol: to both of them, You could be a Double Act :lol: :lol:
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Del » Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:56 pm

My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.

"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."

The silence in the taxi was deafening.....
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....
User avatar
Del
Member
 
Posts: 3371
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:13 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:18 pm

That was hillarious Del.
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:22 pm

Two kittens walk down the street together,and as they talk,
one kitten gets panicked and starts to yell:
-You won't believe what I heard the other day!!!
Τhe kitten reaches the others kitten's ear and starts whispering.
The other kitten gets a terrified look on its face and says:
-LESBIANS EAT WHAT?
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
User avatar
Ghost
Member
 
Posts: 4042
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:34 pm
Location: Blackcountry

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:37 pm

That took me a while , but got it in the end L.O.L
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:48 pm

@ Ghost :lol: :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
User avatar
Who's Wee Dug
Member
 
Posts: 15089
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Stirlingshire, Scotland

Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:01 pm

That one was quite clean for Ghost, Dug..Trust me!!! L.O.L
Alanz
Member
 
Posts: 1639
Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:33 am

PreviousNext

Return to The Broken Drum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Majestic-12 [Bot] and 11 guests