Sorry to hear about your TV license trouble, Tony, I hope that'll be resolved. Makes me really angry that they harrass people like this
It's like it's forbidden not to own a TV. I:(
I've been having a bit of a frustrating time lately. Last Monday I had my second jaw surgery.
Maybe some of you remember me talking about it (a long, long time ago). I have an extremely underdeveloped bottom jaw and need surgery to correct that because of health issues. For instance, because my front teeth are useless I could get chronic arthritis in the jaw joint because of all the pressure that builds up in the back of my jaw, breathing problems because my bottom jaw squeezes my airway together, infections in my mouth from biting into my cheeks because my teeth don't have any space, blah blah blah. That sort of stuff. Untreated, I could have arthritis in my late twenties. And I'm coming to a point where I just can't take any more.
I've had to deal with braces and dental problems for 11 years. My whole childhood has literally been spent at the dentist's for hundreds of hours, I've already had jaw surgery twice and end of this year I'll have a third. I've been laughed at by people I know and strangers on the streets because of my face and last year I came dangerously close to depression because of a load of stuff that just went so wrong in my life and upcoming surgery and everything, that it was too much. I wished so strongly that I was another person. Looking back at that it really scares me.
I think the worst part about it isn't the pain or the problems that come with this, but the way I've had to deal with so much hostility from other people because of the way I looked. It all got a lot better after the first surgery I had in 2009, but the emotional scars stay. I'm still having extreme issues with self-confidence, I have trouble seeing things in a positive way and the worst part is that I'm unable to fully trust people and I'm very awkward around other people. That's probably the reason I hardly have any close friends. I think in the years when I was bullied, I built a wall around me to fight off all the bad things that were coming in from outside. And now this wall has grown so strong that I've closed myself in and I can't reach out.
I haven't been able to do much this week, because I was in a lot of pain and still am and I can't really sit for more than ten minutes cause I get dizzy. And I just had lots of time to think about things and all the troubles and problems and fears have bubbled up again. I'm just kind of sad because of all the stuff that's happened and what's hit me the most is that none of my friends have visited me yet. I don't know what I should think of that.
Sorry for just dumping this here, I know there are lots of people who have lots more problems, but it felt good just getting this off my chest...
phew, surgery sucks.