Here's the uncorrected proof of one of the auction lots in my next and final ebay sale starting Saturday 10:30 am. As well as stuff from athletics, football, rugby, cricket, golf and music (10% to Alzheimer's), there is also another bag of Japanese "Tat" which 100% goes to Alzheimer's and free postage.
YOU ONLY TAT TWICE. THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN TAT. NEVER SAY TAT AGAIN. FROM JAPAN WITH TAT
WORTH IN EXCESS OF 10 MILLION POUNDS!! (possibly)
Afraid to invite friends round for dinner because of an embarressing door knob? Well, problem solved with this cutey pink door knob character cover!
Be the belle of the ball with this attractive "Japanese Spirit" wrist band. And if the party starts to flag, simply put on this Japanese bandana (Fighting Spirit) and they'll be rolling in the aisles because (as stated on the package) "You are the mood maker!"
Kids will just love colouring in this Pocket Monster colouring book and any mistakes can easily be erased with these Japanese food erasers. In three "flavours" - Prawn Sushi, Ramen and Eel on rice.
Mini-mini Japanese English dictionary. Completely useless if you only speak English, but invaluable if you ever bump into a rich Japanese tourist in trouble (who will no doubt reward you generously with at least 1,000 pounds)
Do your friends' heads in with a message written on this mini note book with the Zen-like message, "MAKE UP GIRLS. Looking into the mirror is that really me? Am I myself?" printed on every page.
A pair of lucky cat chopsticks. If you stick one up each nostril and dance naked round a lottery ticket at midnight, you are guarenteed to win 10 million pounds (some time in the next 50 years)
￥48,660 in toy Japanese currency, a driving licence and a school ID card. Take the money to a bank and, if the teller's really stupid, change it into 350 pounds (I suggest Lloyds TSB because they are the biggest bunch of gits!) Use the licence to hire a car, then flog it on ebay for 2,000 pounds. Use the school ID card to travel cheaply on British Rail (or whatever it's called nowadays). And if you miss that important meeting because the Virgin train's late, here's a Richard Branson signed photo to throw darts at.
Save pounds every week by stopping smoking!! To help you here are some grapefruit-flavoured relax pipes
What more could the doorknob-challenged-inept-colouring-tourist-helping-accessory-wearing-chain-smoking skint Zen Virgin-lover in your life want?.
Winner also receives a packet of inquisative octopus tentacles snack complete with suckers.
My last auction managed to raise 99.80 pounds for Alzheimer's, hopefully this one will raise another 50 pounds.
100% of the selling price will go to Alzheimer's and postage is FREE!
*The seller accepts no liability for injury or time spent in prison resulting from use of any of the goodies on sale here.