Schadenfreude, Dark Humour and the Macabre...

[Tonyblack]

That's eric, not Dave.

[Who's Wee Dug]

Does not really matter. your my wife now.

[raptornx01]

"My nipples are like bullets"

[Quatermass]

Okay, now that I think I have people warmed up, here's a grotesque bit of sardonic medical terminology:

A goober.

That's a nickname for a tumour.

There's also two variations thereof: a roasted goober, and a healthy goober.

Roasted goobers are tumours treated with radiotherapy, particularly cobalt therapy.

Healthy goobers...well, that means a dead cancer patient.

*ducks from the inevitable flaming*

[Will of Lancre]

Ah, the cancer euphemisms. Doctors have to keep finding new ones as the patients keep finding out that *insert current euphemism* means "cancer".

They used to be able to get away with "carcinoma", but that has been in the public domain for at least 30 years now. My aunt, who used to be a radiographer, uses "new growth" or the Greek equivalent "neoplasm", but I suspect people know that one by now too.

I suppose these euphemisms will have to go on being used as long as "cancer" means "internal nasty that is likely to kill you".

[raptornx01]

But what is a goofy goober?

[Del]

I suppose these euphemisms will have to go on being used as long as "cancer" means "internal nasty that is likely to kill you".

Nah! Not all of them. Our campaign is "Cancer is a word, not a sentence". So true. So many of the feared cancers of years ago have an amazing survival rate these days. And some cancers aren't so fast that they get you before something else does.

620 BC: Draco, Athenian law-maker, was smothered to death by gifts of cloaks showered upon him by appreciative citizens at a theatre on Aegina

and a few more.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths

[raptornx01]

Should look up the show '1000 ways to die'. grim, but very funny at times. The puns are horrible, i love 'em.

[Del]

I used to work for the safely department with a huge international mining company and we would get the latest reports of mining accidents and well most kinds of "avoidable" accidents (and most are avoidable) and were required to past them all around the site so that employees would be aware, or take steps to that they wouldnt be repeated in our mine or town.

You see some pretty grisly accidents. Shocking. Tragic. And mostly you would learn to deal with the emotions. But sometimes...

So this guy is preparing his house for cyclone season up that way. He got up on the roof and checked all the roof nails and hammered down and reinforced the roof very efficiently. And not to be stupid about it, he made sure that he wore a safety harness and tied himself down securely with a safety rope on the other side of the roof he was working on so he wouldnt fall off.

After a while, he called down to his wife that he was running short on roofing nails and could she jump in the car and pop down to the hardware store to grab some more..... which she obligingly did.

Thing was.... he had tied his safety rope to the bull-bar on the car.

[SimStars13]

That reminds me of the Darwin Awards - the winner is the stupidest, most avoidable manner of death. We had a primary school substitute teacher who would read us these in class... which is slightly strange thinking back on it.

[Quatermass]

Well, should we post Darwin Awards? I have a particular favourite...

[Sister Jennifer]

I had a break from nursing for awhile and went and worked in the insurance department of Ergon which is our electricity company in Qld. I read an insurance claim from a farmer who had 4 cows electricuted from downed wires. Quite sad I know, but the cows died from curiosity. Well, 3 did anyway. What happens is one cow steps on the live wire and gets electricuted and falls down dead and the other cows wander over to see what's going on with Daisy & touch the electrified cow and get, I'm thinking of the word bbq'd, as well. I actually talked to this guy on the phone, he was so sad his cows had died. But honestly I couldn't keep it together. I'm ashamed to say that one of the funniest things I've ever come across. Up until that time if someone told me to name 10 ways a cow could die that would never enter my head. And apparantly it's not uncommon. It's such a cruel world.

[Quatermass]

Okay, one of my favourite Darwin Awards, because it is one of the few overt demonstrations of karma in the world. Plus, I love describing it.

Okay, so a robber breaks into a house of a WWII veteran and steals a gun that also had old ammo in it. He then goes to a convenience store and uses the gun to hold the place up. After getting the money, he decides to shoot the clerk. Nothing happened when he pulled the trigger, so he looked down the barrel.

Now, old ammo can be called 'tired'. In other words, it can be rather dangerous, and have a delayed fire. So the bullet delayed firing long enough until the guy was looking down the barrel. BOOM! Headshot.

When I described it to people, I used a variation of this little sequence in The Office (the original UK series) where Gareth shows what it is like to be shot by a sniper.

[Catch-up]

I had a break from nursing for awhile and went and worked in the insurance department of Ergon which is our electricity company in Qld. I read an insurance claim from a farmer who had 4 cows electricuted from downed wires. Quite sad I know, but the cows died from curiosity. Well, 3 did anyway. What happens is one cow steps on the live wire and gets electricuted and falls down dead and the other cows wander over to see what's going on with Daisy & touch the electrified cow and get, I'm thinking of the word bbq'd, as well. I actually talked to this guy on the phone, he was so sad his cows had died. But honestly I couldn't keep it together. I'm ashamed to say that one of the funniest things I've ever come across. Up until that time if someone told me to name 10 ways a cow could die that would never enter my head. And apparantly it's not uncommon. It's such a cruel world.

OMG. This made me giggle hysterically.

[Del]

I had a break from nursing for awhile and went and worked in the insurance department of Ergon which is our electricity company in Qld. I read an insurance claim from a farmer who had 4 cows electricuted from downed wires. Quite sad I know, but the cows died from curiosity. Well, 3 did anyway. What happens is one cow steps on the live wire and gets electricuted and falls down dead and the other cows wander over to see what's going on with Daisy & touch the electrified cow and get, I'm thinking of the word bbq'd, as well. I actually talked to this guy on the phone, he was so sad his cows had died. But honestly I couldn't keep it together. I'm ashamed to say that one of the funniest things I've ever come across. Up until that time if someone told me to name 10 ways a cow could die that would never enter my head. And apparantly it's not uncommon. It's such a cruel world.

OMG. This made me giggle hysterically.

Me too........... hysterically........ sorry. Stupid cows!

"Oh! Maisie is lying down. Why are you lying down Maisie? Maisie? Maisie? " *lick* ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Oh! Maisie and Daisy are lying down. Why are you lying down Maisie and Daisy? Daisy? Daisy?" *lick* ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!