Quite a few of you have been aware that I have been under a bit of "stress" for the last year and a bit. Okay I lost it big time there for a while. I was being bullied by the ex-arse (Jan's term... I love it). Every day brought something worse than the previous one and the phrase "It can't get any worse can it?" went down the plughole along with my sanity, my peace of mind and worst of all.... the mental health of my girls who were put through some of the most horrible inquisitions children should have to endure. And all because the ex-arse was playing a fun game designed to completely destroy me in every way he could. And if that meant using the children to do this he did.
At one stage I was accused of child abuse of my youngest. It was a complete fabrication but when he accused, the powers that be had to go through the actions and it was horrendous. He managed to do this twice and they still had to do what they had to do but to have my parenting of my girls questioned like this destroyed me to a large degree. Not just because I was accused; what really tore me up was having the girls go through it.
Then I was hit with Federal Court proceedings. He had a very powerful legal team and I was alone. Very scarey. The thought of losing H was devastating. And again; not just because I adore her, but I was terrified of her being with him on a daily basis. The court ordered H to be returned to the ex on weekly (now fortnightly) visits. She was scared. I had to take her to counsellors who worked with me to convince her she would be safe. She isn't thrilled about going but is alot calmer about going.
Just before all hell broke loose, he had promised the moon to my teen and she went to live with him for six months. Well as you can imagine; nothing he promised came to fruitition and he isolated her from us and her friends, convinced her she had nowhere to go and then .... well.... She called my last June and was hysterical. I raced over and got her out of his house before he got to the house. she is in weekly therapy now trying to deal with the psychological abuse he put her through (and phsical we have just found out). She is so damaged, but (YAY) on the road to recovery.
She was so scared of H being ordered back to him after what she endured. The girls were put through a long long interview and the end result was that they were considered to be "exagerating" and making things up about his violence and abuse. M (the teen) is shattered that she was not believed or that she couldnt protect her sister. Her faith in the legal system is non-existant and she still can't get her head around how I went through months of investigation when I am "the good parent" who was trying to protect them, and as many times as she tells someone what he did to her and her sister, nothing has been done. Not so much as a ripple or a question. And I will be forever "red flagged". She just doesn't understand and I can't explain it to her. I worry that if she ever needs help in the future she won't ask or tell. My biggest worry for H is that the ex now knows that H wasn't believed and he can get away with anything. BUT she is WITH ME
and I will keep my eyes and ears alert.
The adult daughter, T tried to support me and be an ear and a shoulder to the girls and it has had its reprecussions too. Yet another child (at the time we split) who noone listened to. The only way to be heard is to lay charges (for the two oldest) and the girls don't feel strong enough to endure the full brunt of the court cases after this year of not being believed.
So.... all in all I have all three of my darling girls in therapy trying to find some kind of peace after this horrible horrible year of trauma. I know this is long... but as a few of you know... its been about 100 times more involved and worse than I have described here.
Last week I went to court. Alone again. (Well T was with me) but no legal help. I had signed the parenting papers (he was VERY eager to sign them too.... I think he suddenly realised with horror that he just MIGHT end up with H full-time... and the wife would NOT have liked that). I folded on every single demand he made. Anything you want.... just to get the papers signed because the phrase "The child shall reside with the Mother
" was in there.
A huge world sized weight was lifted the day I got the teen away from him. And this should feel the same way. I think I am still shell-shocked. It will kick in soon I am sure. I am so
sorry I didn't come online to let you know how it went but I felt so numb. There are still things to get through. The bills from the court will be horrendous (the first one is in: $6,000 and thats a very minor one... two more at the very least). I have no idea where this money will come from but I have been assured I can take a lifetime to pay them off.
(Yay). "Enforced destitution" some refer to it.
BUT I HAVE HAYDEN !
Lastly. Thank you. (tearing up here) Thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for supporting me during the worst year of my life. (And a special thank you to all the pm's and emails telling me to hang in there, or letting me blow off steam, or just sending me a smile and a hug when it was all I had to cling to some days.. you know who you are). Okay fully in tears now. dear oh dear.Some guardian angel must have been watching over me to bring me to this place before all hell broke loose.
I wouldn't have survived with a shred of sanity without all of you. I wouldn't have been able to be there for my girls without that. And yes, even those of you who never even knew about all this. Sometimes just one little comment or whack across the back of my head. A picture. Or hearing how you lot have had to deal with some HUGE things in your lives grounded me and made me feel like such a whiney wuss. You distacted me, make me laugh, cry, hugged me, sent me cards, sent me parcels in the post from the other side of the world (!!!!!) "just because you could". I was so afraid of the mailbox at one time. Not anymore!
AND I HAVE HAYDEN!!!!!!
I HAVE HAYDEN.
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....