Frustration Thread 3

[Catch-up]

Woke up really early this morning and decided to write a very pointed, but diplomatic email to the school. Ok, so that wasn't exactly a 24 hour wait, more like 16 hours. However, considering the seriousness of the subject and the fact that I got no response yesterday, not even a "We're talking about it and will get back to you." response, I felt it was justified. Should be interesting to see what, if any, response I get.

[Batty]

Pointed and diplomatic! You're better at writing letters than me, then!

Surely they have to respond within a certain time frame? I believe here, that official bodies have 7 days to reply. Either way - Go Get 'Em!

[Who's Wee Dug]

Catch-up did you only send the one, or a copy to someone else at the same time, just keep hassling them with comunications they will get fed up and have to deal with soon as...

[chillicamper]

Good Luck Catchup. Hope you can get someone to listen and answer you. Why do schools find it so difficult to remember important stuff about someones medical condition or educational needs? I know there's a lot of kids, all with their own needs, but there must be a way for these things not to slip and be forgotten.

We had ds parent evening. Discussed most of the issues we needed to, but there's never really enough time at these things. We had twice our alloted time as it was. Teacher has been informed again regarding importance of routine and diet and has been told of the consequenses if we cannot get this new routine to work for D - i.e. possible further ops.

However, we were told that there was nothing they could do about D eating alone. The teacher said she felt bad about it, but that the school could not change the whole classes lunchtime slot and so D can eat his lunch at the correct time, but not have company Still thinking how to deal with that one. Similar reponse re trips - they want to include him as much as possible but it's not always possible to juggle times to suit. Ho Hum. At least we got assurances that there will be a number of further meetings to discuss Ds move to secondary school next September. So the outcome of the parents evening was probably 50% happy with some issues sorted and 50% still frustrated that some issues don't seem to be within the schools ability to solve

[spideyGirl]

Some progress at least Chilli

[Dotsie]

Of course they can change the time for lunch! It would just take 20 minutes effort, which they're not prepared to make. Tell them they're failing your child - they're terrified of that word

[Tonyblack]

It kind of disturbs me that the school are making such a big fuss about involving the children and trying to make a more friendly environment and yet they are not prepared to go the extra bit and actually do something that goes against their plans. It's kind of hypocritical of them and their plan.

[Catch-up]

So, very interesting day yesterday. About mid-morning I got a phone call from Ava's teacher (she actually has 6, being in middle school now but we have one "go to" contact). She asked if I would be willing to meet with her while she ate her lunch - absolutely! She mentioned she'd responded to my email too. After hanging up I check email and I see two responses from her. The first one seemed to be addressing everyone saying that she would be the one to respond, then she went on to say some very snotty and unprofessional things about me! She seemed to be making it clear that I was bothering her by asking for information on my child's progress and that my emails were always lengthy. The second one was really just a written version of the invitation to come in to lunch. Before meeting with her I printed out a months worth of email exchanges with her (I save EVERYTHING) to illustrate that most of my emails are a sentence or two. Stopped into the school psychologists office to ask her to join us, because at this point I felt it was important to have a third person present. Took a deep breath and decided to let the teacher set the tone of the meeting. I was expecting it to be ugly. I was prepared for battle and had the email evidence to plop down in front of her. To my surprise, she acted as if nothing had happened. For the most part the meeting went well and we seemed to make some progress. I was able to get some important points and expectations in as well. It didn't hit me until much later in the evening that I was never meant to see the first, snotty email! She was sniping about me to the rest of the staff and copied me in by accident! Moron.

The principal was copied in on all of these, and it explained why I received an email from her apologizing for the tone of "our" emails and copying in her boss. I think someone got a talking to. Why this all became a problem in the first place is mystifying to me. She seems incredibly overwhelmed, perhaps close to retirement, and can't seem to manage answering questions. It's as simple as this: Me - "Has Ava's focus been better this week?" Looking for her answer - "Yes" or "No". It's not exactly complicated. Instead, here's the pattern, I'll ask if things are improving, she'll offer to track it on paper or video Ava instead of answering. Does she not know whether things are better or not? Then she became fixated on having me come in and observe. Fine, but why? I can't asses her there. Her behavior will change with me there and even if it doesn't I haven't seen her the rest of the time. And she always backtracks on the offers to track or video because it's "too complicated." I was really glad that I had the psychologist in on the face to face because now I have someone to hold her accountable for what she needs to do moving forward. Now I've got to respond to the email laying out the plan for tracking and her email apologizing. It's going to be really hard not to get a dig or two in.

[Catch-up]

Chilli, I'm so glad you were able to make some progress at your meeting. Again, this is a straightforward problem and you have to wonder why it's such a mystery to them. After getting a "behind the scenes" look at what Ava's teacher thought, you wonder if they're even making an effort in the first place.

Hugs for all of you! I hope you're able to get this all worked out.

[Who's Wee Dug]

Go for it Catch up take no prisoners.

@Chilli. I hope you can get you're situation changed as well.

[Batty]

I was really glad that I had the psychologist in on the face to face because now I have someone to hold her accountable for what she needs to do moving forward. Now I've got to respond to the email laying out the plan for tracking and her email apologizing. It's going to be really hard not to get a dig or two in.

I wouldn't have a go at her, Catch-up, because you now have the Higher ground. If you get digs in, then Ava's teacher will simply complain that her email was tit-for-tat, or declare to the Head: 'this is what I have to put up with'! - and paint you in a bad light.

By all means gently prod away, along the lines of: 'At last I feel that we have made progress ...', or 'It is a relief to know that after this length of time, you have committed to a plan for tracking Ava's behaviour / progress ...', so that the Head knows that it is you that is being reasonable - and therefore Ava's teacher has been unreasonable and obstructive.

Just a thought.

[KingCarrot]

I agree with Batty, might be worth considering.

We have had a lot of trouble with the school which our kids go to as well - really really pitiful school. I won't go into it though because I don't want to get angry lol

[ShadowNinjaCat]

Having met you I can understand your frustration Mc, tall, thin and a good ladies fit has to be a tricky combination, and nothing gets nail polish out of denim (don't ask how I know, it's a very long story)

Now you've made me curious

Maybe Mad was in drag at the time.

Guess we'll just have to drag the story out of him somehow.

Hugs to all who need them.

[Catch-up]

Thanks guys. I promise I'll behave. We actually got a phone message from her while we were out at the movies. She said she has been worrying that her email was not conciliatory enough, and she sounded really, really sincere. She even sounded a little teary. I thought that was a fairly brave move and have to give her credit there. I think that she is overwhelmed and barely keeping up with her work. I think the remarks she made about me, that I wasn't meant to see, was more of a CYA move than flat out malicious. I'm feeling mostly positive about the situation and I feel like we've got a good foundation for moving forward. Honestly, I think the woman needs a hug.

KingCarrot, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having school troubles as well. I don't blame you for not going into it, because it's really hard not to get angry. Huge hugs for all of you! I hope things improve there.

[chillicamper]

Schools I hope you have some more progress soon Catchup. Its sounds like the teacher is out of her depth with either the work or the situation....or both.

Ds teacher seems very nice and understanding, the headmaster is the same.......everyone talks the talk, but they don't seem to be able to put some basic changes in place to help with inclusion with lunchtimes and trips.

I do have a lot of sympathy for teachers. As I've said before, both my parents were teachers and I have seen the workload that they used to have with marking etc, but my parents taught classes of 30+ with no classroom assistants. Nowadays there seems to always be at least 1 or 2 assistants in the classroom. Maybe there's even more non-teaching work for them to do these days due to the Governments insistance on more and more paperwork to prove what the teachers are doing rather than just letting them teach...I don't know It just seems that individuals can have good intentions but the system isn't flexible enough.