Frustration Thread 3

[Catch-up]

..... weird anxiety he gets planning trips....

HE? PLANNING TRIP? HE?

Thank you!! I see that you have fully grasped the dynamics of the situation. Let me amend that to say, "weird anxiety he gets when I plan trips." If I didn't plan them, we wouldn't take them.

Del, I am so, so sorry about the teen and the wall. That's the last thing you needed.

[chillicamper]

Aaaarrgghhhh. Schools Are they trying to wind us up deliberately? They know about D's medical condition, they know he needs to keep his meal times the same, They know he has to eat a fairly strict diet. So what do they do? Suddenly change his lunch time by 1/2 an hour mid week Well tried to change. D stood up to the teacher and told them it wasn't possible. The teacher (who knows D has a statement about his medical condition) apparently asked whether it really would have that much of an impact and D told them it definitely would. So now he ends up eating his lunch in his class whilst his mates go out to play.

And all because the school want to introduce a new system which makes the school more of a community. The lunch tables have set kids sitting at them from all different years and the 6th years (including D) have to help the younger ones open lunch boxes, cut up food etc. I thought lunch tme was for chillin' with your mates and relaxing. It's a nice idea, but not so fair on the kids - the school has already got a very good community across the ages anyway.

Then there's a out of school trip coming up involving 1 and 1/2 hour train trip to get there. No real issue with that, apart from they won't get back before D's tea time. If this meal is late it really effects how the rest of the stuff we have to do in the evening works and can have knock on effect for days afterwards. So we said D couldn't go unless he came home earlier. Not possible says the teacher. No staff to bring him home earlier - even though he has a statement which gives him additional help for a number of hours a week???? Where are they then?

The teacher suggests D can pick up a hot pastie/burger or something to eat on the train.....errrrr........remember the restricted diet or even bring the meal with him to eat on the train home.....errrrrr again...........hot meal ? how's he gonna carry that around all day?

The upshot of it all is D will not be able to go on the trip. Just getting fed up with trying to keep explaining the who medical condition thing. If it was diabetes/eplilepsy medication, people would understand. But because it's something else, I think we are being labeled as awkward or OCD parents, when we know from 10 years hard experience that the best way to control things (as well as medical stuff in the evening) is with a strict diet and fairly set meal times.

Anyhow
Rant over. ......it's the weekend and I'm going to do some wood burning to chill and calm down. Got to make more stock for my sister's stall - she's running low

[wicked woman]

Know how you feel chilli. When we visited my family and told sister in law I could only eat wheat free food I got several comments about how it's not the same making gravy with cornflour. Well. I know that, and at least they can have proper gravy when i'm not there. Believe me. i know it puts people out and I wish it didn't.

And some one who shall remain nameless - male - knows I can't eat pasta but has asked me more than once if I could have lasange? Twit!

[Tonyblack]

That's crazy, Chilli and very frustrating!

[Dotsie]

And maybe illegal? They are deliberately excluding him from activities because of his condition, you need to get shirty with them. How is forcing a boy to eat alone fostering a sense of community?

[ChristianBecker]

Schools .

[Selkie]

How is forcing a boy to eat alone fostering a sense of community?

This makes me especially angry! I can understand the school wanting to foster a more family style of service at mealtimes, our local primary had this and it really brings all the pupils (less than 30) together, but to exclude a child with medical needs is so going against that philosophy.

As a parent who had a special needs child - now adult - I understand your frustrations. Some schools just don't seem to recognise that a small change in procedure for them means a BIG change for the children affected. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. I'm pretty sure I was the parent from hell - but it's what you have to do to ensure your child has a fair shot. Keep going!!!


WW - I've always made "proper gravy" with cornflour! It's the way I was taught, and I think it's much superior

[Catch-up]

Huge hugs for all of you Chilli! First of all, way to go D for advocating for himself! A lot of kids wouldn't be able to do that. Tell him I'm so proud of him! It sounds like the school staff are being intentionally obstinate. Unfortunately, some staff members will just think about what's easiest for themselves. Building a community among the different ages is a really great idea, but there are much better opportunities than lunch time. Like you said, all those kids just want to relax and enjoy their lunch, not get turned into lunchroom helpers. Again, this may be the staff looking to shirk some responsibility - maybe. It might be time for a sit down meeting with all involved so that you and Mrs. Chilli can illustrate the importance of these restrictions and schedules, so that they fully understand the impact it has on him. Unfortunately, it's sometimes necessary to constantly "re-educate" the staff. Hugs again!

[Batty]

And maybe illegal? They are deliberately excluding him from activities because of his condition, you need to get shirty with them. How is forcing a boy to eat alone fostering a sense of community?

I agree. Isnt it now considered to be against the law to discriminate against people with disabilities?

[wicked woman]

Lots of people don't get allergies and invisible medical conditions, they think it's too much trouble for them. Keep banging on about it chilli, the staff should be doing there job and your boy shouldn't be treated like this.

[chillicamper]

Thanks for the support chaps n chappesses

We have a statment of special needs in place which took some fighting for. It's not for his learning needs - but for his physical needs surounding food and toileting. However, whilst we go through the statement process every year, all of our explanations seem to be forgotten when the school want to make changes or go on trips. The attitude is that they can't change their plans for just 1 child. I don't ask them to change plans completely, just be more inclusive in what they do.

We used to have similar conversations with D's surgeon/specialist with him trying to push us towards more heavy duty management plans for the condition. However, we kept food diaries etc for years and now the specialist actually asks us how we get our results from a management plan which (although invasive) is not as bad as the specialist thought we would need to get the results we are. Parents live with their kids 24/7. We know what works and what doesn't so why does the school not see this. I am convinced they just see us as OCD parents!

Ho Hum. Parents evening this week. The school has decided in their wisdom that they will not be held in class rooms but all teachers together in the hall. I will hand over a letter detailing the private things I need to say, but then will develop a very loud voice regarding my general views on disability & inclusion and certail changes that have been made - so that all surrounding teachers and parents can hear. Wonder how long before they ask to speak to us in a private room

[wicked woman]

[Penfold]

What Wicked Woman said. Keep plugging away and don't let up!

[cheery_j.]

Ho Hum. Parents evening this week. The school has decided in their wisdom that they will not be held in class rooms but all teachers together in the hall.

Is that allowed? - you should be able to discuss personal problems with your kid's teacher without everyone hearing about them. I hear lots of private things (about health, death, divorce etc.) during parents evening and I wouldn't want the parents to have to say this in front of everyone!

Anyway, I see the school's point as well. It is not easy to plan things like trips around everyone's busy schedules and train timetables and museum opening hours and ... and ... and ... I guess it's not that they don't want to put in the extra effort, it's just hard to understand that having lunch half an hour earlier or later can make so much of a difference.
Especially since you're probably not the only parents who ask the teachers for things like that. You have NO IDEA what parents ask me to do in all innocence (couldn't you just ...gaaaaaahhh) and all of them believe it it little things (which sometimes they are, like "couldn't you just check he writes down what the homework is - he often forgets." - NO! I can't! If there are 25 children in one class I CAN'T check what everyone is writing down as homework, because then I wouldn't have time to teach them new stuff! And they need to learn to be responsible for their own stuff.) and that those things are vitally important for the wellbeing of their offspring. The problem is that in your case it really IS vital.

[Catch-up]

I can understand that teachers definitely face frustrations from parents and too large class sizes. There have got to be things that are maddening, like the logistics of a field trip. I've heard stories from some of the girls' teachers, who are fabulous, about the things they've had to deal with.

Of course, for the things that are vital, that's why there is something like a statement of special needs or an individual education plan. Chilli, you shouldn't have to explain the situation over and over again. The staff should educate themselves on what their students need. That's what the paperwork is for. Unfortunately there are teachers, doctors and others who, amazingly, feel it's reasonable to dismiss your 24/7 lifetime experience with your own child. Good luck at the parent/teacher meetings! Let us know how it goes.