Jokes - Part Deux

(For General Discussion)

Moderators: Jason, Toothy, Tonyblack

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby deldaisy » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:09 pm

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think to yourself: "I'm having that!"



Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are real easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The Collective Brain: The synoptic serendipity that comes when interesting thoughts from interesting and interested people get together. And the whole is always more than the sum of its parts.
User avatar
deldaisy
Member
 
Posts: 8032
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:04 pm
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Batty » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:49 pm

Image
Going to my school was an education in itself. Which is not to be confused with actually getting an education (Schultz)
User avatar
Batty
Member
 
Posts: 4701
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:03 pm
Location: East Anglia

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby deldaisy » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:04 pm

Life explained.......
The Collective Brain: The synoptic serendipity that comes when interesting thoughts from interesting and interested people get together. And the whole is always more than the sum of its parts.
User avatar
deldaisy
Member
 
Posts: 8032
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:04 pm
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:50 am

They're bringing out Viagra in the form of eyedrops.

They make you look hard. :mrgreen:
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
User avatar
Bouncy Castle
Member
 
Posts: 12195
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:08 pm
Location: London

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Quatermass » Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:57 pm

deldaisy wrote:Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


You forgot the part about fermenting. But then again, with wine, you have a bouquet. With men, well, to have a bouquet acceptable for the table, you have to spray them down with scented hydrocarbons. Especially if they've been fermenting for a while.

Maybe men are more like cheap plonk: bad for the appreciator's health, and requiring a hefty dose of hydrocarbons to be even remotely acceptable. :P For plonk, there is antifreeze, and for men, there's aftershave and deodorant. :lol:


Bouncy Castle wrote:They're bringing out Viagra in the form of eyedrops.

They make you look hard. :mrgreen:


Pfft! :lol:

Still, I prefer the similar joke from the third Austin Powers movie.

"I swallowed a Viagra, but it got stuck in my throat. I've had a stiff neck ever since." :lol:


And here's a joke I just made up myself.

Recently, archaeologists have discovered an autobiography of a musician in Roman times.



It was titled I, Chordius.
Have you seen the size of human brains? They're hilarious!

-The Twelfth Doctor
User avatar
Quatermass
Member
 
Posts: 5686
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:58 am

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Dotsie » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:02 pm

:lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
User avatar
Dotsie
Member
 
Posts: 9426
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:07 am

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby ChristianBecker » Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:34 pm

Nice, Q.
Did you read I, Claudius, btw.?
On with their heads! I'm the clown prince of fools
if you don't get the joke it's your loss
Love and laughter you see are the new currency
'cause greed's coinage is not worth a toss

Exile yourself to the unforgiving continent of Wraeclast!
User avatar
ChristianBecker
Member
 
Posts: 4191
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:21 pm
Location: Bingen

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Quatermass » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:37 pm

ChristianBecker wrote:Nice, Q.
Did you read I, Claudius, btw.?


A couple of years back, I did. :) Yet to read Claudius the God, though.
Have you seen the size of human brains? They're hilarious!

-The Twelfth Doctor
User avatar
Quatermass
Member
 
Posts: 5686
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:58 am

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Joolz » Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:34 am

What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.


My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed..
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he
was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old
daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are
bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix
out!"

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got
pickpocketed..
How could anyone stoop so low?
Tune the world out, turn the radio up
Sing along to my freedom song
User avatar
Joolz
Member
 
Posts: 2255
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:58 pm
Location: Blyth Northumberland

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:27 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
User avatar
Tonyblack
Moderator
 
Posts: 29332
Joined: Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:29 pm
Location: Cardiff, Wales

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby spideyGirl » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:55 am

:lol: :lol:
User avatar
spideyGirl
Member
 
Posts: 3548
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:15 pm
Location: Yorkshire, UK

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Dotsie » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:00 am

Wicked :lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
User avatar
Dotsie
Member
 
Posts: 9426
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:07 am

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Quatermass » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:58 am

I had to laugh at those ones. :lol:
Have you seen the size of human brains? They're hilarious!

-The Twelfth Doctor
User avatar
Quatermass
Member
 
Posts: 5686
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:58 am

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:43 am

What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?

Rick O'Shay.



Coat...................
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
User avatar
Bouncy Castle
Member
 
Posts: 12195
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:08 pm
Location: London

Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby pip » Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:08 am

Bouncy Castle wrote:What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?

Rick O'Shay.



Coat...................


Firstly if it was an Irish name it would be spelt O'Shea and secondly there is actually an Irish DJ with that name so i judge your joke a complete FAIL :twisted:
'There is no future for e-books, because they are not books. E-books smell like burned fuel.'
Ray Bradbury (RIP)
User avatar
pip
Member
 
Posts: 9385
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:20 am
Location: KILDARE

PreviousNext

Return to The Broken Drum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Yahoo [Bot] and 9 guests