Jokes - Part Deux

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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Seimimac » Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:12 pm

I was rudely awoken this morning by the sound of my neighbour's lawnmower, but I thought, 'Feck him, he can mow around me, I'm not gettin' up!'

The same neighbour called to my house at 3 am last Sunday morning. 3 am! Good thing I was still up playing my drums...
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby spideyGirl » Wed Jul 25, 2012 6:21 am

:lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Sister Jennifer » Wed Jul 25, 2012 6:35 am

Seimimac wrote:I was in a bar last night, and there were two rather large women there, talking in a strange accent.
'Are you two ladies from Scotland?', I asked.
'it's WALES, you idiot!' one of them said.
'I'm sorry,' I said. 'Are you two whales from Scotland?'
I don't remember anything else until I woke up in Casualty.'


Thanks, it's been one of those days & I needed a laugh. :lol: :D :lol:
Undead yes -
Unperson no!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Seimimac » Wed Jul 25, 2012 7:12 am

Sister Jennifer wrote:
Seimimac wrote:I was in a bar last night, and there were two rather large women there, talking in a strange accent.
'Are you two ladies from Scotland?', I asked.
'it's WALES, you idiot!' one of them said.
'I'm sorry,' I said. 'Are you two whales from Scotland?'
I don't remember anything else until I woke up in Casualty.'


Thanks, it's been one of those days & I needed a laugh. :lol: :D :lol:


Any time, Sister J :) Glad to be of service :)
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Seimimac » Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:55 am

There are two reasons why I don't drink toilet water-
Number 1 and Number 2.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:34 pm

:lol:
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:04 pm

Sent in an Email today.

--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
:mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby spideyGirl » Thu Jul 26, 2012 6:55 am

Seimimac wrote:There are two reasons why I don't drink toilet water-
Number 1 and Number 2.


:lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:35 am

I tried using a toilet brush, but found it not very effective and went back to using paper. :?
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby janet » Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:43 am

:lol: :lol:
Doctorum Adamus cum Flabello Dulci
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Kin Arad » Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:53 am

:lol:
“Wouldn’t that unplug your heating pad?”
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Seimimac » Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:27 pm

Doctor: Nurse, what's the condition of the man who stuffed 7 My Little Ponies up his bum?
Nurse: Stable.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby spideyGirl » Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:31 am

:lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:00 pm

This tickled.
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:41 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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