Jokes - Part Deux

[Seimimac]

I was rudely awoken this morning by the sound of my neighbour's lawnmower, but I thought, 'Feck him, he can mow around me, I'm not gettin' up!'

The same neighbour called to my house at 3 am last Sunday morning. 3 am! Good thing I was still up playing my drums...

[spideyGirl]

[Sister Jennifer]

I was in a bar last night, and there were two rather large women there, talking in a strange accent.
'Are you two ladies from Scotland?', I asked.
'it's WALES, you idiot!' one of them said.
'I'm sorry,' I said. 'Are you two whales from Scotland?'
I don't remember anything else until I woke up in Casualty.'

Thanks, it's been one of those days & I needed a laugh.

[Seimimac]

I was in a bar last night, and there were two rather large women there, talking in a strange accent.
'Are you two ladies from Scotland?', I asked.
'it's WALES, you idiot!' one of them said.
'I'm sorry,' I said. 'Are you two whales from Scotland?'
I don't remember anything else until I woke up in Casualty.'

Thanks, it's been one of those days & I needed a laugh.

Any time, Sister J Glad to be of service

[Seimimac]

There are two reasons why I don't drink toilet water-
Number 1 and Number 2.

[Bouncy Castle]

[Who's Wee Dug]

Sent in an Email today.

--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

[spideyGirl]

There are two reasons why I don't drink toilet water-
Number 1 and Number 2.

[Tonyblack]

I tried using a toilet brush, but found it not very effective and went back to using paper.

[janet]

[Kin Arad]

[Seimimac]

Doctor: Nurse, what's the condition of the man who stuffed 7 My Little Ponies up his bum?
Nurse: Stable.

[spideyGirl]

[Who's Wee Dug]

This tickled.

[Tonyblack]