Jokes - Part Deux

[Bouncy Castle]

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!

[Bouncy Castle]

10 yrs ago Bob Hope died

5 yrs ago Johnny Cash died

A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died

A few weeks ago Jimmy Saville died

Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It.

Sounds like something our goverment created.

[meerkat]

Good ones Bouncy!

[Sam Vimes]

This is just a friendly reminder about drink driving over the festive period. I went out last night and left my car at the pub and took the bus home. I must say I'm very proud of myself this morning, as I've never driven a bus before!

And on the subject of drinking and driving, I think I posted this link around the same time last year but it's always worth repeating. (Does contain some swearing.)

http://youtu.be/moUChycJzIc

This is great i love ones that dont end how you expect

[spideyGirl]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-best ... ts-of-2011

the-best-celebrity-tweets-of-2011

[meerkat]

Good on George Takei!

[spideyGirl]

Good on George Takei!

He's great isn't he.

[Bouncy Castle]

Alec Baldwin is a sweeheart, isn't he?

[meerkat]

oh, Bouncy, only a First Series Trekie can understand that awful moment when Mr Sulu pressed the Disintigrate button on particular series! He had argued against it with the production crew but was shouted down.

He also loves doing Pantomime. I have seen him and sang 'Star Trekkin' at the top of my voice! Excellent!

[deldaisy]

oh, Bouncy, only a First Series Trekie can understand that awful moment when Mr Sulu pressed the Disintigrate button on particular series! He had argued against it with the production crew but was shouted down.

He also loves doing Pantomime. I have seen him and sang 'Star Trekkin' at the top of my voice! Excellent!

Omg... me and the new hubby sang Star Trekking at the top of our voices all the way from our reception to our honeymoon destination... with all the voices!!!!


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Sometimes asparagus makes my pee smell funny...

And vice versa....

[Emberella]

My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock yesterday.



Bad Minton.

[spideyGirl]

[jaznbonnie]

Dear God

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys deducted $95.00 in taxes.

[Joolz]

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees,
Apparently she'd stood him up

[Who's Wee Dug]