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Postby michelanCello » Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:30 pm

Sjoerd3000 wrote:Maybe it's the ChronoGuard :wink:


You really are in a Thursday Next mood, aren't you? :P
Listen.
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Postby Sjoerd3000 » Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:35 pm

Yup, nearly finished Something Rotten :D
A poster outside one shop urged people to Dig For Victory, as if it were some kind of turnip.
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Postby deldaisy » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:21 pm

michelanCello wrote:I'm sucking for half an hour on a sweetie now, which first was a white ball and had a bit of a creamy taste, but now it's more like strawberry... and still hasn't lost much of it's size... I think I'm going to get bored with it really soon... still, wondering what may come next.

I'm thinking BLOOD!
I gave one of those to my little toddler to suck while she was in her stroller one day... when I saw the "pink" drool I thought she had reached the strawberry part... and then the "pink drool" started getting redder and redder... so I checked.... the lollipop had splits that developed all through it and as she sucked it they were slicing her tiny little tongue to shreds poor little darling :shock: None of us have ever eaten one since.
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Postby deldaisy » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:27 pm

chris.ph wrote:i was in hospital unconcious when the bloody nurses shaved my arse :roll: and there isnt enough alcohol on the planet to get me drunk enough for me to be in such a stupor that somebody i know could shave my arse plus none of my friends would dare :twisted:

... AGAIN... I learn way too much about Chris... Now (and you don't have to answer this Chris... in fact I'm thinking I really don't want to hear the answer) but I'm a curious type of person.... I'm thinking... WHAT just WHAT type of ailment that requires hospitalisation (it sounds serious) would also require your arse to be shaved... :shock:
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Postby Tina a.k.a.SusanSto.Helit » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:32 pm

Snigger, gasp, giggle :twisted: If Boundaries are wot you are lookin for on this forum, you may as well hang it up. It was the Sheer Indignation with which he expressed his dissatisfaction with the British Health System. Remember, he is a Mountain of a man, with a dog who can eat a whole turkey at one go. It was bleeding hilarious to see it in chat. I am suprised his wife's ears survived, actually.
Aha! So, Bob's yer uncle... very clever.
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Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:36 pm

No sniggering in the the back row Tina. :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Postby deldaisy » Sat Oct 30, 2010 3:59 pm

Tina a.k.a.SusanSto.Helit wrote:Snigger, gasp, giggle :twisted: If Boundaries are wot you are lookin for on this forum, you may as well hang it up. It was the Sheer Indignation with which he expressed his dissatisfaction with the British Health System. Remember, he is a Mountain of a man, with a dog who can eat a whole turkey at one go. It was bleeding hilarious to see it in chat. I am suprised his wife's ears survived, actually.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D PMSL
But he was unconscious when he has his bottom shaved... I mean how did he go from unconscious to enraged about the situation....
Did he wake up and think.... "Hmmm. The space between my cheeks has a sudden and noticably silken quality to them this morning...." Or was the advancement of hours and the acknowledgement of a tingling prickling five o'clock shadow that alerted Chris to his state of hairlessness in his nether regions....
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Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sat Oct 30, 2010 4:37 pm

Well I went into hospital once for an op on my upper body and woke up with my leg shaved not mention a bloody big zip that went from chest to below navel they took the scenic route round the belly button. :roll: :)
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Postby chris.ph » Sat Oct 30, 2010 5:30 pm

ive got a zip like that as well, bloody hurt as well :shock:

the full story is i had to have an emergency colonoscopy after developing a abcess in my anal stump(ive got an ileostomy so its not connected to anything), when i got home i went for a bath for obvious reasons and when i got out of the bath and was drying myself off the towel slipped right down my arse without the friction of hair to slow it down, i yelled rather loud and my mrs ran in worried that something else had gone wrong, when i told her wot they had done she nearly wet herself laughing :lol: :lol:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sat Oct 30, 2010 6:55 pm

Yes I got to see what I looked like inside I had a 4"wide plaster on and when they went to take it off it was stuck to my chest hair the nurse had to cut the1st 2" off before she could pull it off then asked if I would like to see what I looked like inside all layers from Pink to Red, later when I asked the Sister why they did not shave high enough she said I had such a nice hairy chest she did not want to ruin it and shave it to too high.Image aarrrrrrgh.
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Postby chris.ph » Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:09 pm

i got a load of hair remover for my second op and it worked a treat .bloody hurt shaving all my stomach and other delicate areas for the first op :cry:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Postby deldaisy » Sun Oct 31, 2010 1:58 pm

[
when i got out of the bath and was drying myself off the towel slipped right down my arse without the friction of hair to slow it down, i yelled rather loud and my mrs ran in worried that something else had gone wrong, when i told her wot they had done she nearly wet herself laughing :lol: :lol:[/quote]

:D :D :D :D :D :D I had to ask huh... silly me :D :D :D
Last edited by deldaisy on Sun Oct 31, 2010 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby deldaisy » Sun Oct 31, 2010 2:55 pm

Who's Wee Dug wrote:Well I went into hospital once for an op on my upper body and woke up with my leg shaved not mention a bloody big zip that went from chest to below navel they took the scenic route round the belly button. :roll: :)

Did you shave the other leg to match Dug?????
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Postby deldaisy » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:21 pm

chris.ph wrote:i got a load of hair remover for my second op and it worked a treat .bloody hurt shaving all my stomach and other delicate areas for the first op :cry:


Hair remover.... Oh Dear!!!!! You know that stuff is designed to MELT hair (which has a high tensile strength than steel)

Take a seat Chris.....

I was invited to my new boyfriend's home for dinner.... it was "that" date... you know... been seeing each other for a while.. chemistry was there....

It was a gorgeous balmy summer night on the bay. He was an engineer and had redesigned and renovated his house and wanted to show me around before he cooked a simple yet stunning dinner to impress me. Glass of wine in my hand we walked hand in hand.. he was sweating quite a bit and breathing a little fast... (perhaps he's a little nervous I thought; though he never before seemed that kind of guy... usually confident and laid-back). He opened this enormous monster of a BBQ and proceeded to cook my steak and king prawns to perfection (now he was sweating ALOT and his breathing was more laboured) when a small whimpering sound came out of his throat and he started shaking. "I have something to tell you" he said as his knees buckled beneath him. In gasps he explained that he had wanted tonight to be a bit special and had gone to the chemist and bought some Veet (foam hair remover) to "tidy up" ummm down there for me... Awwwww :) His ummm dangly bits had started to swell about an hour before I had arrived and apparently they were still swelling. :( I told him he should show me (had done a full mine rescue training course once; though I admit this was never on the exam). Well... THEY WERE HUGE! :shock: I mean, think grapefruit sized.. LARGE grapefruit bordering on medium melons. :shock: I raced to the freezer and grabbed a kilo bag of ice chips, sat him down (well he wasn't actually standing at this stage) and put the bag of ice between his legs. He was making noises; strange little noises between a sob and a whimper. He refused to let me call an ambulance (how big do these things get before they burst?.. I didn't want to find out). So I put him to bed and stayed with him through the night, ministering to his ummmm swellings until he fell into a fitfull and exhausted sleep. I woke up in the morning with him smiling across at me :) "Thank you so much for looking after me last night" he said. He seemed a little better and wasn't shaking anymore and he carefully reached over and kissed me deeply. Then he started ... how can I put it... oh yeah... screaming like a girl.

Okay... so remember... this was supposed to be "that" date right? I mean we were both REALLY attracted to each other BEFORE the Veet incident... and well.... DAMN that chemistry huh... Seems he may have been feeling a little better but the ummm swellings although somewhat lesser hadn't gone down THAT much. Back to the freezer......
How did it end up? He had to take a week off work.. rang me often but refused to see me until he was "better" (he wouldn't get specific but apparently the ingrown hairs became a problem too) and two weeks later he was offered a contract overseas for a year *sigh*
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Postby poohcarrot » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:28 pm

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire! :lol:
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