Typing errors, grammatical mistakes and English eccentricity

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Typing errors, grammatical mistakes and English eccentricity

Postby Morty » Sun Jan 17, 2010 8:51 pm

The following have all appeared in parish magazines,

Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'
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Postby Tonyblack » Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:35 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Dotsie » Mon Jan 18, 2010 6:03 am

Brilliant :lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 18, 2010 6:08 am

”Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”

:lol:
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Postby Doughnut Jimmy » Mon Jan 18, 2010 7:35 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
"when the gods made sheep they must've left their brains in their other coat"
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Postby Penfold » Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:37 am

ImageImageProbably doesn't count as English grammer or eccentricity, but here are some Australian motor insurance claims for you. :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


Len Brook Photography
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Postby Quark » Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:52 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Is this for all generic writing mistakes and misinterpretations?
If so, I have some to submit myself :P.
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Postby Dotsie » Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:09 am

poohcarrot wrote:”Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”

:lol:


That was the one I tried to quote, & it wouldn't let me! So I gave up :lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby Sjoerd3000 » Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:49 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
A poster outside one shop urged people to Dig For Victory, as if it were some kind of turnip.
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Postby Ponder Stibbons » Mon Jan 18, 2010 12:21 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

There was one in my dad's hometown: "Shoes repairs. 24 hours. We repair while you wait."

And in my school bus: "Watch your head" over the door. There was a mirror right under it. :lol:
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:20 am

:lol: :lol:
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Postby Penfold » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:30 am

Quark wrote::lol: :lol: :lol:

Is this for all generic writing mistakes and misinterpretations?
If so, I have some to submit myself :P.

I don't know but this is my favourite sketch formisinterpretation ever (even tho its a bit old now and been seen many, many times). :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


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Postby swreader » Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:56 pm

When I was a grad student teaching Freshman English to college students, we had a magazine that was made up of things actually written by students and submitted. Don't know if I still have it, but this one I remember because I got it submitted on a final exam question. If I'd thought he knew what he was saying (instead of a spelling mistake) I'd have given him an A.

Swift satirized the vices and follies of his time and many of these still exist. Every year millions of dollars are spent on smoking, drinking and GAMBOLING.

Of course there are lots of spelling errors that are funny-- like naval oranges, and then there are the Malaproisms--but more of those later.
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Postby wicked woman » Tue Jan 19, 2010 6:49 pm

English as she should be used!

In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREINGNER, IF DREESED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FAR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY..

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

These made me giggle.
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Postby Tonyblack » Tue Jan 19, 2010 7:36 pm

:lol: I'm glad I don't have to learn English as a second language. I take my hat off to all those people who have learned it and use it so well.
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