The bust Morty out of prison Thread

(For General Discussion)

Moderators: Jason, Toothy, Tonyblack

Postby Morty » Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:10 pm

Batty wrote:
Tonyblack wrote:Morty's mug shot. :wink:

Image

:lol: :lol: :lol:


Dear Batty,

Prisoner 367453 Mortimer looks nothing like the image suggested by your Moderator a person known to me as Mr. Tonyblack. Prison has not been kind to Prisoner 367453 Mortimer as you can see by this photograph taken a few hours ago.

Image

Prisoner 367453 Mortimer has asked to remind you all in The Discworld that he is due to shower with his cell mate in less than 24 hours

Image
Prisoner 367410 Everard

Yours
Mr. Barraclough. HMP Prison Officer
HMP Slade.

Image
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Postby Morty » Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:58 pm

Good evening Discworld Forum,

It would appear that Prisoner 367453 Mortimer is not risking shower time tomorrow. Mr Mackay has tonight informed me that Prisoner 367453 Mortimer was seen talking to a well known lag tonight

Image

He has also asked The Librarian to get him a copy of The Holy Bible, not any Bible but this specific Bible.

Image

‘Twould appear that Prisoner 367453 Mortimer is a rather impatient old bugger who values the right to be able to sit down as and when he pleases.

Yours
Mr. Barraclough. HMP Prison Officer
HMP Slade.
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Postby Sjoerd3000 » Wed Jan 13, 2010 9:12 pm

Sorry Morty but we're still looking for the keys to the chopper :oops: You just hang in there The new A-team is assembled 8)
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Postby Who's Wee Dug » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:10 pm

New plan Morty !Play dead .Image :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Postby poohcarrot » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:16 pm

Who you really need is Mr Phelps from Mission Impossible. He'd have you out of there in two shakes of soap-on-a-rope.
A shame he's making clothes pegs in Skegness with Mary the mangle wench. :(
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Postby Batty » Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:21 pm

F.A.O Mr. Barraclough.
HMP Prison Officer
HMP Slade.

Dear Mr. Barraclough,

If you are indeed correct that Prisoner 367453 Mortimer looks nothing like the image posted by our Moderator, Mr. Tony Black, then can I suggest that the person you have incarcerated is an imposter!

It is obvious that Prisoner 367453 has already absconded and is being impersonated by the person we know as Morty, and I would respectfully suggest that in order to save yourself (and the reputation of your establishment) from embarrassment, that you immediately release the prisoner known to us as Morty.

If HMP Slade becomes a laughing stock amongst the Prison Service, then your career will effectively be over and the media will have a field day - at your expense.

Can I suggest that you sanction Prisoner 367453 for 'Day Release' as a reward for 'Good Behaviour' and then mis-file (lose) the paperwork, so that he does not have to return to HMP Slade?
This would enable you to save face (and your good name), allow you to retire (with a full pension) at a time of your choosing, and sleep at night knowing that an innocent 'full-guy' is not behind bars whilst the real villain is roaming the streets.

Yours

Batty.
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Postby Morty » Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:52 pm

Dear Batty,
We are recovering from a bit of trouble at HMP Slade tonight. A message from Prisoner 367453 Mortimer has just been passed to me.......

The wisest man I know taught me one of the most important things in life.
Never fire all your bullets in one go, always save one bullet in the chamber to deliver the final shot.

Image

The explosion that happened a few hours ago was my doing ......It’s amazing how the fear of taking a shower in prison without your soap on a rope brings out the best in a person

Image

A touch of plastic surgery here and there and a touch of Mr. Sheen there and the disguise is perfect.

Morty is back and no one will suspect him of ever being away.........

Image

Would you buy a Used Car off this person......of course you would :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Penfold » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:18 am

From the Hogfather: "Its expression suggested it was owning up to something it just knew was going to get it a smack." (I have a similar feeling about this!)
Uhm, not quite sure about the best way to say this but as time was running out I decided to try and hot-wire the chopper. I think I used too much hot.
Image
Did you take out full accidental cover with the insurance M?
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Postby Morty » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:13 am

Insurance........Bugger I knew there was something I forgot.

Can you report the Chopper stolen Penfold and hope and pray that Inspector Clouseau is assigned to the case :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Penfold » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:52 am

corrr! Good idea M Image I'll do that now!

No, wait! ImageI sneaked a look at DM's desk and Inspector Clouseau is already assigned to the Case of the Stolen Beaujolais. Crikey! :shock: I suspect that Superintendant Harry 'Snapper' Organs might be assigned instead! HELP!!
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:35 am

Sjoerd3000 wrote:The Plan
Crys will drive the vespa bazooka to the prison with me behind in the DAF Daffodil get a way car. Crys will then fire the bazooka from the vespa at the prison wall. Morty will be close by to make a run for the hole in the wall. I will grab a M60 from the car boot and will lay covering fire to make sure the guards will dive for cover. Crys will help Morty get to the car, with it we will make our escape to the airfield and then with the chopper to Monaco where Morty can lay low for a while :wink:

In the meantime Penfold and Batty will distract the police. Now all we need is a pilot for the Helicopter any volunteers? :P

I love it when a plan comes together 8)


Have we found a pilot for the Helicopter yet??
If the problem are the keys.. anyone looked inside the helicopter?

COME ON TEAM, we have to free Morty, we can't stay here debating while he is rotting in prison! Everybody ready to go freeing our friend for that "certain future" much much worse that an "uncertain future" ??????
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Postby Dr Theobald » Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:43 am

Crys

My understanding of the previous post by friend Mortimer is that he is ALREADY safely out of jail. The "get out of jail free" card was a master stroke and has increased my already high admiration for the good Morty's inventiveness.

Through spies I learned that on departing the prison he made his way quickly to Joe's Diner where he consumed a double full English fried breakfast (**) and a pint of best strong tea. THAT is the Morty I know. Gets his priorities right.

He will no doubt now be resting and contemplating how to gain maximum advantage from an insurance claim in respect of a 'slightly soiled' helicopter.

(**) I had perhaps better explain for a Lady in Italy who may not understand the nuances of the expression 'full English fried breakfast'. A single full English fried breakfast will be fried and comprise - 2 eggs, 3 or 4 rashers of proper bacon, black pudding (sanguinaccio) tomato, sausage, baked beans, fried bread (optionally hash browns or fried potatoes) and LOTS of buttered toast.

Knowing Mortimer as I do I am sure he is quite capable of consuming this - twice - although his diet may have to pay the penalty later in terms of his cholesterol levels.

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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:57 am

Dr Theobald wrote:Crys

My understanding of the previous post by friend Mortimer is that he is ALREADY safely out of jail. The "get out of jail free" card was a master stroke and has increased my already high admiration for the good Morty's inventiveness.

:oops: Oh..ehm :oops: ... really :oops: ? I thought he said he was hoping for a "get out of jail free card"... :oops: he's already out? :oops: he got tired of waiting for us... Morty we failed you, you had to do it all by yourself!? :cry:


DR T wrote:Through spies I learned that on departing the prison he made his way quickly to Joe's Diner where he consumed a double full English fried breakfast (**) and a pint of best strong tea. THAT is the Morty I know. Gets his priorities right.

(**) I had perhaps better explain for a Lady in Italy who may not understand the nuances of the expression 'full English fried breakfast'. A single full English fried breakfast will be fried and comprise - 2 eggs, 3 or 4 rashers of proper bacon, black pudding (sanguinaccio) tomato, sausage, baked beans, fried bread (optionally hash browns or fried potatoes) and LOTS of buttered toast.

Knowing Mortimer as I do I am sure he is quite capable of consuming this - twice - although his diet may have to pay the penalty later in terms of his cholesterol levels.

Dr T


This is a joke right? You don't really eat all that stuff in the morning, as soon as you're awake???
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Postby Penfold » Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:29 pm

I'm afraid its all true Crys, except that I skip the black pudding Image! Its the best cure there is for a hangover (or a prison break out) :lol:
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Postby Morty » Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:05 pm

I would like to offer my sincere apologies to the principal members of The A Team.

Crysania
Sjoerd
Penfold
Batty


A finer bunch of people you will go a long way to match for their loyalty and devotion to duty.


I know you were on the way but there were issues on the forum that I was desperate to comment on and I didn’t want to write them through Mr. Barraclough.

I was so pleased that Tina opened a thread on the tragedy that has hit Haiti and I wanted to say thank you to her for making us all aware of what had happened. Then there was the issue of Dotsie’s annoying problem at work. People like that make me sick and knowing that Dotsie stood up to the damn fool yesterday put me in a great mood this morning.

Then the big problem I’ve had for the last 2 months. I have an addiction to this forum. I know my knowledge of The Discworld is woeful but I’m working on that. I was surprised really that I was welcomed so warmly when it was obvious that I was hardly what you would call a devoted fan of Terry. Nevertheless I feel at home on this forum and being in prison was preventing me from joining in so the wall had to go.

I’m sure that the helicopter will be covered by the hirers own 3rd party insurance and I have no doubts whatsoever that The A Team will be called upon very shortly and I’m sure the whole forum will sleep easier in their beds just knowing they are on the forum if someone needs them. I would like to thank them all for being on standby to rescue me and if they can find me then the drinks on me all night.
Last edited by Morty on Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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