Has Jan Van Quirm been Kidnapped.......Shock..Horror.

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Has Jan Van Quirm been Kidnapped.......Shock..Horror.

Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 3:19 pm

OK enough is enough.

It’s become obvious to me that Jan has been kidnapped. She has not posted now for nearly a week and I’ve not had a PM this year :shock: :shock: :shock:

So I’ve been doing some grown up sums :lol:

I reckon there are around 50 regular contributors on the forum.

In full consideration of what a difference Jan makes to the forum and what she means to her friends I would suggest a fair ransom demand would be Twenty Quid.

So 20 Quid divided by 50 = £2.50p each.

I know it’s a lot to ask so close after Christmas and especially hard for those of us who are on Gordon Browns payroll but Jan does make the occasional interesting post so I’ve got my £2.50 ready when the demand comes through.

I hope I can count on the rest of you to do the same.

Jan if you read this some bounder has stolen my User name and Password and it’s not me honest :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby chris.ph » Sat Jan 09, 2010 3:27 pm

i think she has gone down on remand for the premeditated murder of her housemate whilst being off line :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 3:37 pm

chris.ph wrote:i think she has gone down on remand for the premeditated murder of her housemate whilst being off line :lol: :lol: :lol:


Well in that case we have a very good case for securing her immediate release on the grounds of ''being of an unbalanced mind'' at the time of the crime.

Some might even say her mind is constantly unbalanced but that's only what I've heard and not my opinion.

FREE THE INNOCENT ONE
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 4:13 pm

The plot thickens.

Reports are coming in that early this afternoon a lady who looked suspiciously like this young woman Image entered the Plymouth branch of PC World.


Her lighted torch set off the sprinkler system and sparked of a series of 999 emergency calls.


The young lady proceeded to the display of Laptops and was clearly seen to hide a very expensive computer about her person. When challenged the young lady kept on repeating in a frantic voice ‘’I must communicate with my public in The Discworld’’


The young Lady who gave her address as The Unseen University in Ankh Morpork was arrested and on arrival at Plymouth Police HQ had her particulars taken down.

Source Reuters 16.07 Ankh Morpork
And absolutely NOT Morty messing about.
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Postby Batty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:01 pm

Unfortunately for the police officer that was interviewing Jan, when she was asked to make a statement she talked, and talked, and talked ... for hours on end.
No doubt she found it cathartic to vent her spleen at someone who was forced to listen and couldn't run out of the room on a sudden pretext, but the poor police officer incurred a sprained wrist from the reams of note taking that he had to do.

Jan has now had an additional charge of 'assault occasioning actually bodily harm' added to the crime sheet.

The police officer will no doubt be off ill for several weeks whilst his wrist slowly recovers from the strain, and it is unknown how long Jan will be incarcerated for.
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:08 pm

Batty wrote:Unfortunately for the police officer that was interviewing Jan, when she was asked to make a statement she talked, and talked, and talked ... for hours on end.
No doubt she found it cathartic to vent her spleen at someone who was forced to listen and couldn't run out of the room on a sudden pretext, but the poor police officer incurred a sprained wrist from the reams of note taking that he had to do.

Jan has now had an additional charge of 'assault occasioning actually bodily harm' added to the crime sheet.

The police officer will no doubt be off ill for several weeks whilst his wrist slowly recovers from the strain, and it is unknown how long Jan will be incarcerated for.


My thoughts and best wishes are with the unfortunate Police officer at this time. I hear he now crawls around on all fours and barks at the moon. He has since been transferred to The Dog Handling Training School where he's now known as PC Rover.

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PC Rover.....Ahhhhhhhhh :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:21 pm

So what now? Should we plan a prison break or what?? :lol:
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:24 pm

CrysaniaMajere wrote:So what now? Should we plan a prison break or what?? :lol:


That's the spirit Crysania.....Never give up hope!
What do you think.....A Tunnel or over the wall.
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:29 pm

If you mean : dig a tunnel to her cell or break down the wall... I like tunnels, but before we're done she might as well have already broken down the walls, so I think the second is the best option, and get a fast car ready !!! :D
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:38 pm

CrysaniaMajere wrote:If you mean : dig a tunnel to her cell or break down the wall... I like tunnels, but before we're done she might as well have already broken down the walls, so I think the second is the best option, and get a fast car ready !!! :D


Great idea......You distract the ''Guards Guards'' (Discworld Reference) and I've got the fast car ready.....

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Don't you just love it when a plan comes together :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Morty » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:42 pm

Ooops

Might have to think of another plan Crys .....Plymouths finest is on to me....

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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:51 pm

Morty wrote:Don't you just love it when a plan comes together :lol: :lol: :lol:


:lol: :lol: brings back funny memories :lol: :lol:
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:53 pm

Ok Morty, you distract the mighty police force, while I make the jail walls blow up :lol: :twisted: :lol:
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Postby Sjoerd3000 » Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:55 pm

But how are we going to break down the wall?
May I suggest we demolish it using this moped :wink:
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After that I have the perfect getaway car 8)
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One of the fastest cars in the world 8)
A poster outside one shop urged people to Dig For Victory, as if it were some kind of turnip.
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Postby CrysaniaMajere » Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:03 pm

Looks like a Vespa armed for destruction... I like that :twisted: Can I fire? :twisted: take shelter Jan, we're coming
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