I nominate this as the funniest post of 2009.
It's original material and although all related to one person who I hardly know anything about it had me on the floor.
Terry Pratchett Forum Index -> The Broken Drum
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Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Location: The land of the rising sun
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject: Happy Birthday Dotsie
It's December 7 in Japan so;
Happy Birthday Space Cadet!
DOTSIE'S UNBELIEVABLE LIFE HISTORY
Pre-birth - Communicates with her mother using Morse code
1971 - Born with a plastic slide rule in her mouth (The Who)
1972 - Starts speaking. First words are, "Yeah, right, whatever!"
1973 - Discovers the meaning of the word "sarcasm", can even write it and spell it correctly
1974 - Prefers Star Trek to the Wombles or Magic Roundabout
1975 - Builds a Focault's pendulum out of Lego
1976 - Builds a Forth Bridge out of Meccano - hasn't finished painting it yet
1977 - At infant school builds a Small Hadron Collider out of old washing-up bottles and sticky back plastic - would have discovered the "God Particle" if only the lunch time bell hadn't rung
1978 - Thrown out of the church choir for arguing with the Vicar that it was scientifically impossible to change water into wine
1979 - Invents the first mobile phone network using 47 empty Heinz baked bean cans and 23 miles of string - causing gridlock in the streets of Manchester
1980 - Appears on Blockbusters and wins 10 games in a row, but is disqualified for giggling hysterically every time she says, "Can I have a "P" please Bob? Can I have an "E" please Bob?"
1981 - Invents the Beta Max video player
1982 - Becomes Head Girl at her school
1983 - Becomes a Smiths fan
1984 - Loses her job as co-host of Countdown just prior to the launch of the programme, for calling Giles Brandeth a "smarmy git". Is replaced by Carol Vordemon
1985 - Writes Sir Geoffry Howe's speech that finishes off Thatcher
1986 - Solves a Rubik's Cube in under 10 seconds underwater, blindfolded and wearing oven gloves
1987 - Proves scientifically that the Garden Of Eden was actually sited in Manchester
1988 - Coins the words "Glasnost" and "Perestroika"
1989 - Knocks the first part of the Berlin Wall down
1990 - Graduates Cambridge Bsc
1991 - Graduates Oxford Msc
1992 - Graduates Harvard Phd
1993 - Graduates MIT Phd
1994 - Creates the world's first Artificially Intelligent robot. Unfortunately programs it with her own personality, and after suffering a week of sarky comments, destroys it with a sledgehammer
1995 - Writes "Good Will Hunting"
1996 - Wins an Oscar
1997 - Maps the human genome
1998 - Meets and marries Mr Dotsie
1999 - Single-handedly saves the world from the Milleniun Bug
2000 - Creates "Dotsie" the world's first cloned sheep
2001 - Forms rap group with other scientists called "Had-Ron DMC2 (squared)
2002 - Wins Grammy for reworking of "Einstein-a-go-go"
2003 - Over lunch one day invents Su-dotsie-ku" - later shortened to Sudoku
2004 - Programs "Deep Blue" the computer that beats the Russian chess Grand Master Kasparov (or Karpov, or something-or-other 'ov)
2005 - Writes the script for Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth"
2006 - Takes up jogging in order to be fit enough to pilot the UK's first space rocket, which she herself has designed
2007 - Awarded the Nobel Prize for science
2008 - Invents the "Yike" bike as an April Fool's joke
2009 - Wins at Guildty
Dotsie & Me
Skull ring, remember? Under college statute (I am) entitled, nay, required to make tasteless, divisive and moderately evil remarks. - Professor (Hicks) Hix
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