Post of the Year 2009

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Post of the Year 2009

Postby Morty » Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:13 pm

I have only been a member of this forum since November but I’ve seen some posts that have had me in stitches. Only today when addressing me .....I’m presently hobbling around on crutches.....Pooh posted a link to Broken Down Angel by Nazareth.....A very quick and very funny reply.
As is the fashion at this time of year have any of you lot seen a post that split your sides that you think is worthy of post of the year.
Over to you......
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Postby poohcarrot » Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:20 pm

My two favourite posts (ie I posted them) are these;

poohcarrot wrote:
Von Squirmy-Claws wrote:Sorry pooh I think we're all going to be a little pensive in here for a bit

Pensive?! My ass! I'm gonna nail someone!!! :twisted:

This game is getting silly! :x

I'm supposed to be a solitary cross-dressing vampire, living all alone in my castle with only my harmless perversions and extensive library of rare tomes to occupy me during the long cold winter months. :(

Instead, I'm rapidly becoming the bl**dy social butterfly of Bonk! :roll:

I've had so many people visit me on recent evenings that I'm thinking of removing my portcullis and installing a s*dding revolving door. :twisted:

If so much as one more person visits me in my castle, I'm going to tear up my black-ribbon membership card and sink my fangs into their neck. :evil:

I mean, for Gods' sake! You lot are worse than carol singers! :twisted:

And the amusing thing about it is, I'm not allowed to mention to anybody who I've been entertaining. :roll:

So instead, let's have an objectively scientific look at the Gobby co-efficients of everybody who's left.

Jan has been very gobby recently, so the chances of her being a werewolf are ZERO!!!

The Librarian has also been quite gobby of late too, so the chances of her being a werewolf are ZERO!!!

Whereas the gobby co-efficients of Crysania, Lady V and Bikkit are all near enough to 100%

So;

I VOTE FOR CRYSANIA
I VOTE FOR CRYSANIA
I VOTE FOR CRYSANIA
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby poohcarrot » Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:31 pm

...and this one in the Maurice discussion thread;

poohbcarrot wrote:As I mentioned earlier, this book can be looked at as a combination of "Animal Farm" and Nostradamus. I believe the fact that it was published in 2001, at the very start of the Bush Presidency and the rise to power of the Neo-Cons, was no co-incidence. I think it was written as a warning for what was to come.

RAT-PUBLICANS V DEMOC-RATS

This picture shows the normal rats and the changelings;

Image

The main difference between them is that the normal rats are looking to the "Right", whereas the changelings are looking to the "Left".

The normal rats live in a rat-eat-rat, every-rat-for-itself, survival of the fittest world. This is a perfect description of Capitalism.

The changelings believe in rat-shall-not-eat-rat, rats-united-will-never-be-divided, rat-help-rat world. This is a perfect desciption of a liberal Social Democracy.

So I'll call the capitalist "Right-looking" rats Rat-publicans and the "Left-looking" changeling rats Democ-rats


THE NEO-RATS

Spider (Rat King) is 8 Rat-publicans tied together, forming a single entity that has power over rats. I'll call this entity the Neo-Rats. Each Rat-publican in the Neo-Rats is blind to the world outside.

The Neo-Rats seek world domination, or at the very least, a state of perpetual war.

The Neo-Rats are pure evil and don't care how many rats die in the process of achieving their goals.

By controlling minds, the Neo-Rats have the power to create any reality they choose.

The Neo-Rats use this mind control to manipulate rats to do their bidding, to fight and to die for what they pervertedly see as a noble and just cause.

OBEY ME! DON'T THINK!


BA-RAT OBA-MOUSE

Among the Democ-rats there is one rat called Dangerous Beans. I'll call him Ba-rat Oba-mouse. Not only is Ba-rat Oba-mouse a different colour to the other Democ-rats, but also he thinks differently.

Can we stop eating our fellow rats? Yes, we can!

Can we work together and help each other? Yes, we can!

Can we sit down and talk to our enemies? Yes, we can!

Ba-rat is the rat who has the ideas. Ba-rat is the rat who everyone listens to. Ba-rat is the rat who is the eloquent speaker.

The following is part of Ba-rat's speech when confronting the Neo-Rats. (I have changed the word "rats" to "people", and the words "Big Rat" to "God"). Doesn't it sound Obama-esque?

"Because, you see, you think for many people," he said. "But you don't think of them. Nor are you, for all that you say, God. Every word you utter is a lie. If there is God, and I hope there is, he would not talk of war and death. He would be made of the best we could be, not the worst we are. No, I will not join you, liar in the dark. I prefer our way. We are silly and weak sometimes. But together we are strong. You have plans for people? Well I have dreams for them."

Ba-rat Oba-mouse survives everything the Neo-Rats can throw against him and emerges victorious in the end.

swreader wrote:..the unlikely real leader is Dangerous Beans (the albino rat who alone is able to withstand and reject Spider's power). He is, in an odd way-- the commander in chief, or the president of these rats..



CONCLUSION

If this book were publishd for the first time tomorrow, it would be regarded as a thinly disguised "Anti-Neo-Conservative/Pro-Obama" analogy. However, what makes it remarkable is that it was published 8 years ago!

"The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents" spookily predicts with unerring accuracy the events of the years 2001-2009 including the fall of the Neo-Cons, perpetual war, a mind-controlled population (cough Fox News cough) and even the rise to power of Barrack Obama.

On Discworld the Neo-Rats were stopped before they could unleash their terrible destructive forces on the world.
Unfortunately on Roundworld, we weren't so lucky.
But we had been warned!

AMAZING!
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby poohcarrot » Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:34 pm

Kladivo made some comment after I had made a stigmata comment, which I thought was hilarious and the best come back line of the year, but I can't find it now! :cry:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Dotsie » Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:37 pm

It was your midweek difficult quiz, and it went:

poohcarrot wrote:So what's that blood coming from your hands? Stigmata? :lol:

Kladivo wrote:Nope. That's what's left from the previous mr smartypants :twisted:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby Dotsie » Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:43 pm

I quite liked this one:

poohcarrot wrote:I love you Jan, and want to have your babies. :P

Dotsie wrote:God, what would they be like?

Batty wrote:What if they had twins?

Jan Van Quirm wrote: Twins might be nice actually - I'd call them Gobsang after their daddy and Slobsang after moi :twisted:

(I divided up the quotes to make them easier to read)
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby Morty » Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:51 pm

I nominate this as the funniest post of 2009.
It's original material and although all related to one person who I hardly know anything about it had me on the floor
.


Terry Pratchett Forum Index -> The Broken Drum
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Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject: Happy Birthday Dotsie

It's December 7 in Japan so;

Happy Birthday Space Cadet!



DOTSIE'S UNBELIEVABLE LIFE HISTORY

Pre-birth - Communicates with her mother using Morse code
1971 - Born with a plastic slide rule in her mouth (The Who)
1972 - Starts speaking. First words are, "Yeah, right, whatever!"
1973 - Discovers the meaning of the word "sarcasm", can even write it and spell it correctly
1974 - Prefers Star Trek to the Wombles or Magic Roundabout
1975 - Builds a Focault's pendulum out of Lego
1976 - Builds a Forth Bridge out of Meccano - hasn't finished painting it yet
1977 - At infant school builds a Small Hadron Collider out of old washing-up bottles and sticky back plastic - would have discovered the "God Particle" if only the lunch time bell hadn't rung
1978 - Thrown out of the church choir for arguing with the Vicar that it was scientifically impossible to change water into wine
1979 - Invents the first mobile phone network using 47 empty Heinz baked bean cans and 23 miles of string - causing gridlock in the streets of Manchester
1980 - Appears on Blockbusters and wins 10 games in a row, but is disqualified for giggling hysterically every time she says, "Can I have a "P" please Bob? Can I have an "E" please Bob?"
1981 - Invents the Beta Max video player
1982 - Becomes Head Girl at her school
1983 - Becomes a Smiths fan
1984 - Loses her job as co-host of Countdown just prior to the launch of the programme, for calling Giles Brandeth a "smarmy git". Is replaced by Carol Vordemon
1985 - Writes Sir Geoffry Howe's speech that finishes off Thatcher
1986 - Solves a Rubik's Cube in under 10 seconds underwater, blindfolded and wearing oven gloves
1987 - Proves scientifically that the Garden Of Eden was actually sited in Manchester
1988 - Coins the words "Glasnost" and "Perestroika"
1989 - Knocks the first part of the Berlin Wall down
1990 - Graduates Cambridge Bsc
1991 - Graduates Oxford Msc
1992 - Graduates Harvard Phd
1993 - Graduates MIT Phd
1994 - Creates the world's first Artificially Intelligent robot. Unfortunately programs it with her own personality, and after suffering a week of sarky comments, destroys it with a sledgehammer
1995 - Writes "Good Will Hunting"
1996 - Wins an Oscar
1997 - Maps the human genome
1998 - Meets and marries Mr Dotsie
1999 - Single-handedly saves the world from the Milleniun Bug
2000 - Creates "Dotsie" the world's first cloned sheep
2001 - Forms rap group with other scientists called "Had-Ron DMC2 (squared)
2002 - Wins Grammy for reworking of "Einstein-a-go-go"
2003 - Over lunch one day invents Su-dotsie-ku" - later shortened to Sudoku
2004 - Programs "Deep Blue" the computer that beats the Russian chess Grand Master Kasparov (or Karpov, or something-or-other 'ov)
2005 - Writes the script for Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth"
2006 - Takes up jogging in order to be fit enough to pilot the UK's first space rocket, which she herself has designed
2007 - Awarded the Nobel Prize for science
2008 - Invents the "Yike" bike as an April Fool's joke
2009 - Wins at Guildty

Dotsie's Fantasy
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/ksleg4Ha2jeCGTnn

Poor Dotsie
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/4K4dAmQD9APSJF2q

Dotsie & Me
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/zqGegNrKiKxAUlnu
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Postby Batty » Fri Dec 18, 2009 8:39 pm

I can't find the post, but it would be chris, regaling us with him having a bath and finding out that his arse had been shaved!

Also: In the What Are You Doing Tomorrow? thread, on Fri Sep 11, 2009:

Tonyblack wrote:
Disney Sea sounds like a blind Glaswegian.


And also pooh, for the Gloob of Thannock story.

Well Done to all! :lol:
Going to my school was an education in itself. Which is not to be confused with actually getting an education (Schultz)
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Postby Dotsie » Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:11 am

Actually, I agree with Morty. I loved my birthday thread :D The space cadet pic is now my wallpaper :lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby Batty » Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:35 am

Can I also nominate myself?
Earlier this year, Discworkaholic started a thread about Superglue.

Tonyblack wrote:If it works and saves you money, don't knock it! I remember taking one of my kids to casualty years ago and I got chatting to the doctor there. I said something along the lines of - if Superglue is so good at sticking skin together why don't they use it instead of stitches. She said that actually they did. It was used during the Falkland's War experimentally. I don't know whatever happened since. It seems logical to me.:


Byakuran wrote: Wow I'd never heard of that... What happens if you're a little too clumsy and get it all over your tongue?? :lol:

Batty wrote:No doubt you'll be stuck for words??? :?
Going to my school was an education in itself. Which is not to be confused with actually getting an education (Schultz)
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Postby poohcarrot » Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:50 am

To be honest, I don't think you can or should nominate a favourite thread, let alone post.

This is a great forum, with wonderful moderators and lovely members. It is only because of the members that funny posts get posted.

So I vote for every single post as my favourite. If anyone can be bothered to sit at a computer and post anything, they deserve the credit. :lol:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:50 pm

poohcarrot wrote:To be honest, I don't think you can or should nominate a favourite thread, let alone post.

This is a great forum, with wonderful moderators and lovely members. It is only because of the members that funny posts get posted.

So I vote for every single post as my favourite. If anyone can be bothered to sit at a computer and post anything, they deserve the credit. :lol:

Judas priest - we're agreeing again! :shock: :evil: :P

I do like the 'tag-post' ones though - where we're all feeding into each other's responses :lol:
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby Dotsie » Sat Dec 19, 2009 6:53 pm

Batty's puns surely deserve special mention though?
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby bikkit » Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:01 pm

The post that tells me that one more person has joined ELF! must be one of the best :D
Image

I'm going to need a swat team, ready to mobilize, street maps covering the whole of florida, a pot of coffee, 12 jammy dodgers and A FEZ.
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Postby Morty » Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:39 pm

I’ve been keeping my eye on this thread and I’m a little worried that I might have upset some of you by starting it.

A couple of members have said that they think no one post should be singled out as being the best post of the year as everyone who takes the time to post should be praised.

I agree with that statement, I’ve been on forums where night after night there were lurkers all over the board reading but they never posted. This forum is completely the opposite. OK we have members that have never posted but I’ve not seen them lurking and I do spend a fair bit of time on this board.

The regulars nearly always take the time to say something and I think that is one of the reasons why this board is so good and so well supported.

However I still think that when Tonyblack goes to so much time and trouble to post a birthday greeting with all the notable birthdays of the day that he deserves to have some recognition for never forgetting any ones birthday and for making his greeting so interesting.

When people like Pooh sit down and write a huge and ORIGINAL post just to wish another member a happy birthday then I think he deserves some recognition.

As I said at the beginning I hope I haven’t upset any one and with the benefit of hindsight from now on I suggest that no single post gets the Golden Crown but anyone who was impressed with a post for whatever reason can remind us of it and just give a pat on the back to the author.

I’ll start it off with a pat on the back to Tony and Pooh.
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