It is I, Mr Phelps from Mission Impossible, back again to sort out this problem once and for all.
In attempt to bribe Lord Poncey-Smurf, I concocted the following cunning plan.
I first made a latex rubber mask of Dr Theobald, and then posing as the good Doctor, scouted out the fattest and most stupid of the mangle wenches (ie; Mary)
It was easy to make her believe she was pregnant and not just fat. I then performed a fake "DNA test". To fully convince her, I showed her an episode of Teletubbies and passed it off as the video of God's/Lord P's DNA, which she gullibly believed.
Everything was on target for a successful mission, but suddenly something unexpected happened.
I fell in love with Mary, and she fell in love with me.
I can no longer subject my darling to carry on with this charade. So we are leaving forever to live together in a small bungalow in Skegness and start a clothes-peg manufacturing company..
So farewell and a Merry Xmas to you all.
Ho ho ho!