In a bold and decisive move designed to rock the corridors of power in Washington, Tokyo, Beijing and Moscow, Europe has just elected its first President.
The new President is none other than...... some Belgian bloke I've never heard of.
The renegade firebrand and charismatic Herman Van Rompuy is now (almost) the most powerful man in the whole world.
According to my newspaper, Heman Von Rumpy-Pumpy "created his biggest stir on the EU stage to date by reading one of his haiku at a press conference last month". The haiku was about European unity and here is an (almost) exact copy:
Um...er...it's, like, big
With lots of countries in it
(ed: That's not what he wrote, put in the real one!
Roll into port together.
The trio is home.
Which says a lot about his counting ability, because I thought the first line was meant to have 5 syllables!
Lorraine Mullally (silly surname) director of Open Europe said, "Surely Europe can do better than this".
Rip Van Rom-Pom-Tiddy-ai-po pledged to be "discreet" (ie; un-noticed).
My paper goes on to say, "It is vague on what the EU President is supposed to do"
THERE'LL BE STREET PARTIES HELD IN ALL OF EUROPE'S MAJOR CAPITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS HISTORIC EVENT!